Bathroom Humor

Poop has now taken a prominent position in our lives. I apologize to those of you with more delicate countenances, but it's a fact, and I've never been one to mince words. After all, as I have been reminded more than once by some of my extended family, everybody poops (or pooped)...including the Pope, Elvis, Cindy Crawford, and Jesus.

With young children, however, poop takes center stage. It's all about the poop. Who pooped, when they pooped, where they is especially important to know WHERE they pooped. I have interacted with poop more in the last three-ish months than I ever knew was possible...and I grew up in a daycare! (My mom did daycare for the first 22 years of my life...I helped...a LOT.)

Just a few days ago, for example, I heard those familiar sounds coming from our 16-month-old after supper. So I checked his diaper...and stuck my hand into poop. He had pooped all the way up to the very edge of his diaper (thankfully not up his back). That was a new experience. Up until that point, I had managed to go through life without getting poop under my fingernails. Have you ever had the fortune to get poop under a fingernail? It isn't cool.

I have previously mentioned the every-15-minute-pooping-all-afternoon episode, which took place the weekend we went to a cabin with my in-laws. Nick had to drive to a nearby town to buy more diapers. He (the baby, not Nick) was cutting an eye-tooth...and possibly a molar at the same time. That was a rather exciting few hours...despite how many extra diapers I had packed, I was NOT prepared for that kind of frequency. It was pretty impressive, actually. I have no idea how that much poop is stored in such a little body.

And our 3-yr-old is not exempt from the poop fun, either. He is thankfully much more aware of his need to poop, and informs us fairly regularly at the end of lunchtime...or breakfast...or dinner...that he needs to go. I'm just waiting for some formal gathering and a sudden lull at the table, when "I need to go poop" is announced to all. I've learned there isn't much reason to get embarrassed anymore...because something worse is inevitably coming next.

One of the evenings this past week, he grossed himself out with his own stink in the bathroom, and informed Nick that Nick needed to turn the "poop fan" on for him. That term was his own original coinage...which was a rather logical deduction...since I had been turning it on only when he was pooping. That's going to be fun someday in mixed company, too.

No matter how carefully we have instructed (and demonstrated) how to wipe, there are casualties. One time he slid off the toilet seat...and left a streak on it. And then there are the skid marks in the gross can it get?? In such a relatively short time, I have gotten more poop in more places (my hands, my clothes...) than I ever thought possible. And I have changed a lot of diapers in my lifetime (re: daycare). I thought we got off easy, not dealing with an infant. But at least their poop doesn't make you almost gag--or actually gag--while changing them.

I've wiped poop off of feet, thighs, butts, hands, stomachs, clothes...oh, and once our 16-mo-old pooped in the bathtub. And it wasn't a solid poop. That was really neat. Guess who got to stick their hand down into the tub to hit the drain? And then chase the poop particles down...awesome.

So, Blog Readers, after this relatively short trial-by-fire, I am officially unafraid of poop, undaunted by poop, unembarrassed by poop...and ready for whatever you want to throw at me, World. Bring it on. Okay...throwing...actually that would be a new one. On second thought, let's hope it doesn't come to that.

But it probably will. I'll have my mitt ready.



  1. I can't believe you have a 3 yr old that actually wipes himself! I've got an almost 5 yr old that somehow managed to get poop across the front of the toilet seat, and ALL down the front of the toilet (almost to the floor) this last week... It's a good thing they are so cute, huh? LOL Oh, and I worked at your mom's daycare once upon a time for a summer too. Seems like a lifetime ago...

  2. Haha!! Laughing so hard, this is so true. Just this morning our two year old announced, "Mom, I peed!" (while wearing underwear), only she forgot to mention that she also pooped at the same time. Those underwear just went straight to the garbage :)


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